So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
