If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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