It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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