OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i need some magic done to my vagina
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
