Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
