i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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