so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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