My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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