In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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