I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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