I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
