Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
