dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
