He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
