so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
