OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
