She is in my trunk
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
