I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
