ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I enjoy the company of your penis
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
