The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
