If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
