i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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