There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I wear drunk well.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
