Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
