I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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