I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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