I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
