I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
should my penis look like a turkey
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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