I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
