In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
