i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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