I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
