i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
