franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
