I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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