I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
