I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
