I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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