When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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