Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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