OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
