Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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