He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
