We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
