So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm sobbing to NWA
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
