"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
