I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
