She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
