So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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