I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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