I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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