I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
