med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
