my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
